DO ASK DO TELL: An American Epic

 

Link to script.

 

(These are notes:   I have more details in my own files.  This film proposal has absolutely nothing to do with “Epic Movie”, from Fox in 2007; titles often duplicate or are similar among movies with nothing in common; check imdb.)

 

Logline:

 

An aging lesbian-to-bisexual lawyer, already engaged in an attempt at gay adoption, starts falling in love with a older gay male defendant accused of assisting a teenager boy in hacking into a government site.

 

Some situations in the defendant’s life illustrate the problems of self-concept for a person who has run away from family responsibility for a whole lifetime in order to take care of his own needs.

 

Appeal:

 

The larger picture is that of a leading female character involved in major freedom building initiatives: rebuilding the World Trade Center, adopting a child from the Middle East while dealing with the ambiguities of her own love life. Her work intersects the lives of several other major characters, including the teen computer geek, and a precocious law student. In both the present time and in past flashbacks, the characters have encountered each other and have interacted with important historical events. For example, the female lawyer and her partner were respectively in the WTC and the Pentagon on 9/11.  The story is sharpened by the actions of government, which tries successfully to use unethical pressure in getting the gay man to “confess” to his accidental participation in the attacks, and by a “small world” view in which the characters’ actions become increasingly interconnected. Several subtle political problems are explored, and in the end some characters have to “pay their dues.”  

 

 

Structured Plot Analysis

 

(Introduction “Belleville Rendez-Vous”)

 

Setup

   Allison turned down in Egypt

Opportunity

   Allison-Susannah get foster child Izzy and face social worker

   Eric playing ball and getting good but still refusing to be slain in spirit

   Tobey advising Bill how to dress for speech

   Tobey works for Allison

   Bill meeting Allison and Susannah near GZ

 

Change of Plans

   Bill laid off but learns of career audit

   Bill follows up by meeting Erich on trip and getting into hacking

   Susannah asked to leave military

   Sheila teases Tobey towards acting and Izzy bonds to Tobey

 

Point of no return

    Bill gets in cahoots with Erich and then his domain is shut down

    Tobey gets hit by car

    Bill gets arrested before e-bomb attacks announced publicly

    Bill enlists Allison and they share stories

 

    Erich experiences slay in spirit

 Final obstacles

    Erich on CAPPS list but arranges video conf

    Erich hacks to get off CAPPS but can’t defend Bill at trial.

     Juror John overhears, hacks himself to find Erich’s friends and this redeems Erich.

     Bill helps Allison and Susannah get custody for Izzy by being there so Bill is redeemed, but not publicly. 

Erich will film the volcano recovery

     Bill held liable but makes “public” amends by paying his dues

   

 

 

Treatment:

 

The film starts with a reunion at a St. Paul, MN college fraternity house of several major characters: TOBEY (28, the law student and would-be actor), ALLISON (51, the attorney), SUSANNAH (49, her lover and ex-Army officer), IZZY (6, their adopted son) and OMAR (a client whom Allison defended). They are playing whiffleball (or “back yard baseball”). A precious teenage filmmaker ERICH (18) camcords the celebration. They look at a video of a volcano eruption that has just happened in California’s Owens Valley.

 

The film opening credits show a visual of Bill’s meeting Tobey for dinner some years earlier, and then a quit shot of Allison talking to Susannah by phone, and then Susannah being taken in an ambulance to the hospital from the Pentagon on 9-11.  Hook: What will Tobey look like?

 

The Erich makes a cheap shot about Tobey’s getting married. (The fiancée is not in the scene yet.)

 

Now the film shifts back to one year earlier, in early spring.

 

Bill is attending the Saloon in Minneapolis, when to his surprise he finds Tobey and his girl friend SHEILA (26) with other straight couples (including some celebrities) break dancing.  Also present are PATRICK (26, an ex-roommate of Tobey) and LORRAINE (30, African American).  Bill thinks he remembers seeing Patrick at a fundraiser for gays in the military (show with a quick flashback). Bill sees some talk on the dance floor among his friends, and then Lorraine comes and taunts him about his next birthday and asking why he pays attention to younger men, even though these men are adults. Bill tries to steer the conversation to one about the military ban, gives up and leaves the bar.  (Hook: Bill is getting caught for his unfair interest and gawking)

As he leaves, the bouncer asks him not to come back (even though this is not a leather bar with a dress code for that reason), and a homeless man begs him for a cigarette out on the street; Bill doesn’t smoke. Another friend of his JOHN (31) teases him from behind a Starbucks counter on the Skyway not to wind up in jail.

 

Next Erich is in his parent’s cabin near Sparta, WI playing with hacker sites that try to get into FEMA. (hook: Will Erich hack Bill?)  Bill is in his apartment in Minneapolis working on his political website, and watching a VHS video of his speech where Tobey introduces him (6 years before). Erich Jzzet’s place is less cluttered but geekier than Bill’s (newer stuff). Outside he has ski and sports equipment.

 

Bill tells the bartender BLAKE (37) at another bar (the Boom) about his incident at the Saloon as he heads for the airport to pick up his mother, while the video bar beams Ricky Martin and typical 21st Century anything goes stuff.

 

(…) At home, he he fumbles to find the phone among all kinds of wire near the living room couch when Erich calls (out of the blue) and asks about his book and legal case.. Erich comes on the line and teases him about not being cell-phone savvy. Tobey has found Erich from the film community to help Allison do seminars on computer crime law. Susannah knew Frankie when he was in the military, before he “changed.” Show a brief conversation in uniform about his ‘change.’ – maybe sex.

 

 

Frank, Erich and Tobey are playing stickball with neighborhood youths in a tenement lot in NYC.  Frankie breaks a window in a fake Green Monster. Frank admits to Erich that he spies for employers on their workers and teases Erich about his own sports abilities. “Swing for the fences.”   We’ll see.”

 

Bill plays his own choral music at an MCC service that his mother attends and then takes communion. Resist being kissed; note about bad breath. They talk about George W Bush in the social afterwards.  (ext cha) over a wedding layer cake.

 

Allison, Susannah, Omar and Izzy attend a reception in which a model of the new WTC is shown. Susan tells Allison that the Army has asked her to resign her commission and do the same intelligence job at the Pentagon as a civilian. (Hook: Is Susannah really going to get booted by DADT?)

 

Bill discusses the personal effects of his involvement in resisting the military ban. Visual Mississippi River  Visual flashback

 

Bill walks to work on the Skyway, logs in and sees he has a meeting with his boss.

 

Frankie L’Istesso meets Bill in a company conference room to give him an external job performance audit. Flashback to an earlier encounter 20+ years before in a gay bar. Frank hints that bad times are coming and its not just 9-11 and Enron.. They play games about Frank’s shiny shins. Hook: Right wing conspiracy in the workplace?

 

Erich provides a DV film on teenage hacking at Bryant Lake Bowl in Minneapolis for IFP. Show the spicy gardenburger and ales, with cameos of major stars, disguised. Erich explains why he thinks teenagers hack.

 

Bill gets fired (or laid off) with a handshake ceremony, and acts relieved. Hook: Is this the end of his career?

 

Bill goes on a weekend trip to celebrate his severance. He stops in a restaurant where he sees Erich, pretending not to  recognize him at first (remembering the encounter with Frank). Erich teases him about working there if he walks out, then Bill and he get the conversation going when they see Osama bin Laden on a video feed (that’s how Bill is supposed to make his fortune, chasing him!)  Bill tips but forgets to pay the bill. He puts his hand to his head driving hours later as he arrives in Milwaukee.

 

Meanwhile, Allison watches a video of her and Susannah kissing near Ground Zero, taken by Bill right after 9-11, after she asked a security guard to confiscate the camera. There is a flashback to the confiscation, when Bill started crying because his camera was broken. She has never repaid.

 

Bill’s weekend self-date continues. He hits the bars on 2nd St in Milwaukee after seeing the waterfront at night, and takes in the music and bizarre scenes at the Orbit.

 

Hook: Will Bill fall for Erich “sexually?” Make sure that the moral distinction between “desire” and actual conduct or acting on desire is clear! 

 

Sunday afternoon, he drives to Erich’s place in Wisconsin. First Erich gives him a skiing lesson with the rope tow. They go into the cabin, which is neat and mod with high tech stuff. Erich appears to hack into a couple FEMA websites about coming disasters, then brings up the algebra lesson that Bill gave him two years before when they were ballot access petitioning with Tobey. Bill gives in to temptation and massages Erich’s upper body, only now noticing the camera. There is a flashback to the algebra lesson, and then the tempo cools as they have soup in the next room and watch an interview by Omar about his car accident. A cat wonders in and respects the computers.

 

When Bill gets home, he finds his website defaced. (suitcase nukes; he links to some classified sites – about e-bomb attack targets -  and saves the material illegally) 

 

Tobey does a head shot for a mag;  Not shaved. Tobey, Susannah and Allison are flying back from San Francisco. Tobey gets a pat down, and then on the plane they talk about Susannah’s possible discharge, as they fly over Mono Lake.

 

Bill visits the outplacement company and is referred (again) to Frankie. Show Bill’s book and mention his celebrity.

 

Frankie suggests hiring Bill into a boot camp arrangement and then a new job but Bill would have to give up his “self-promoting” web site.

 

Bill runs into Tobey at the swimming area of a gym. Tobey’s body has “matured” since they last associated a few years before. Tobey is helping Izzy learn to swim. The film presents a quit montage of their past dinner and ballot access petitioning. Hook: How is Tobey’s bod changing?

 

Tobey and Sheila are wrestling in bed in Sheila’s condo. Sheila has apologized for working on a file-sharing program for an illegal use.

 

At an SLDN benefit, Bill meets a reserve officer CHAD (40) who may lose his commission because he is mentioned on Bill’s website.

 

Bill goes to a sandlot baseball game where Erich wins the game with a bottom of the Ninth hit; a chum CECIL is a bit of a lazybones and a bit like Bill had been as a boy.

 

Bill visits Mono lake and sees Tobey jogging there from a distance. Hook: airport security. He is coded yellow when he boards the aircraft “on the way.”.

 

Erich leads an Eagle scout trip at Yellowstone and looks at a lake that has changed elevation.

 

Allison and Tobey are walking near the site when Tobey gets hit by a car. Hook: how will Tobey’s looks be affected?

 

Bill finds out about Tobey’s accident from Forrest at the LP when filming there.

(quick shot of a film class?)

 

Bill prays for Tobey at MCC communion.

 

Erich pays a surprise visit to Bill’s apartment on a Sunday afternoon and fixes Bill computer, after it freezes when he tries to access the corrupted website file. (Bill was watching CNN coverage on pedestrian auto accidents.) Then Erich gives him a swimming lesson in the pool upstairs, after mentioning Tobey. Hook: getting into trouble just fraternizing this way with Erich? (Director’s Cut; other material) Is he really in trouble over his website?

 

Omar askes Allison to defend him (again) for the accident.

 

Izzy teases Tobey in the hospital

 

Bill finds out that his domain is closed and argues with his ISP. (show ISP manager; show security at their hq)   Hook: He is in trouble over his domain

 

Susannah’s CO announces her military “retirement” and “promotion” into a civilian job in the press room.

 

BRIAN JZZET(46, Erich’s father) approaches Susannah at the reception and teases her about the gay adoption.

 

Bill visits Tobey working out in acute care rehab.

 

Susannah is down in Williamsburg planning Bill’s shadow convention. Brian approaches her again and now complains to Bill (…). Erich had told him out of “telling the truth”.

 

Bill is getting a massage and watching Smallville when his cell phone rings. He mutters to himself about being a senior home companion as he dials and gets a message on his machine about his eldercare responsibilities. He is determined to go on his convention anyway and make arrangements with others.

 

Bill flies to Reagan airport and is arrested at the car rental counter for hacking.  Hook: Bill arrested for first time, in jail for first time

 

Allison and Susannah are having their home inspection for adoption when news of E-bomb attacks on two cities come across the wires.  Hook: “It won’t be so bad”

Bill is in jail and the warden tells him the attacks have knocked out a lot of the Net. He has to sleep with the light on and doesn’t know how to get his lawyer yet.

 

Erich goes to his father’s Assembly of God service and for the first time in his life is slain in the spirit. (earlier MCC prayers)  Hook: Erich really falls

(Note: the script right now shows only his sidekicks (Griffith) falling. If Erich falls he should somehow look transformed—as if physically a bit larger—by the experience. [Still under consideration.])

 

Bill vomits in jail.

 

Erich is making CD’s of all of his stuff in his cabin to protect them from e-bombs. Hook: ebombs could come again

 

Bill talks the jail clerks into locating Erich by pretending Erich is a lawyer.

 

FBI agents confiscate the computer from Bill’s Minneapolis apt, and fear it is damaged by the attacks.

 

Bill gets Allison as a lawyer and meets with him in jail. She scolds him about the seriousness of the charges. Tobey reached her from rehab. Tobey is skittish about Bill’s interest in him.

 

Allison helps Bill do an IRA withdrawal to make bail. Hook: Bill gives up his savings and might have to beg for money for the first time in his life

 IRS penalty?

 

Research note: For a discussion of the legal terms indictment, arraignment, and bail, the Suffolk County, NY has a good website that explains to the lay person how these procedures work in most jurisdictions. Visit http://www.co.suffolk.ny.us/da/cjprocedures.htm

 

Bill has his bail hearing (and enters a plea – arraignment). Prosecutor links to the e-bomb attacks and the damage done (to classified materials).

 

Erich photographs his chums messing up as they play ball, and then they admit that they are hanging around him to learn how to hack. Erich makes a wisecrack about the nature of radical Islam and “merit.”

 

Bill is released under house arrest with an ankle bracelet.

 

Allison meets with Bill in the recreation room of his boyhood home.

 

Allison recounts her escape on 9-11 after the phone call from Susannah (show stills)

 

Bill recounts his expulsion from William and Mary, starting with the day-after-Thanksgiving meeting with the Dean, the call to the parents in NC, the actual expulsion. There is a reference to his parental upbringing regarding “telling the truth.” This is shown in flashback in subdued colors. Forever, he has to “tell” about his “psychiatric history” when applying for jobs. Bill recounts his military service, his “second coming,” including an evening in the Baths in 1975.  Finally he gets involved with the ban, writes the book, meets Tobey through doing public speaking.

 

Pre Hook: How both partners escape 9-11

Pre Hook: Bill actually expelled from college

 

(Bill is no longer home alone.)

 

A prosecutor tells Allison about the Wisconsin problem with Erich’s parents. Of course the criminal procedure was wrong. Did Allison know before? Was Bill uncomfortable with telling her?

Hook: Will the government go after its agenda?

 

Erich meets Tobey at the U of M (p 98) and they watch “Do Ask Do Tell”   Erich helps Tobey walk. They talk about Tobey’s modeling and Erich’s teen curiosity. Erich asks Tobey about his suspicion that two of his friends hacked into Bill’s computer (when Erich was at Bill’s apartment). Erich wants to be “good” like pre-Marlena.

 

Allison asks Erich to fly to NY to help with the case and he is flagged by CAPPS.

Hook: Erich profiled

 

Bill’s gets kicked out of the house because of the bracelet.

Hook: Bill’s final rejection by family

 

Erich prods his friends to go to the Assembly of God slain-in-spirit

 

Erich meets with Allison by video conference and explains his theory about his friends, that they stole his spyware.

 

Government agrees to drop criminal case and go civil if Bill will stop writing—govt wants a civil trial to make the case for computer citizenship!

 

Bill visits Allison’s NYC apartment. Izzy remembers him and tries to bond as a “grandpa.”

Hook: Izzy “hits” on Bill

 

Bill goes to Williamsburg, is introduced by Tobey again, and conducts the debate on gay marriage, and “gets busted.” .by the audience  (why didn’t Bill value his blood if he was to be listened to?)

Hook: How will Bill of Rights 2 work out? Use the slide show

 

 

The press announces Susannah’s situation.

 

They voir dire jurors, including an open source software engineer.

 

Bill tells Allison about his own jury experience.

 

Prosecutor claims Bill’s site is an attractive nuisance. However, there was apparently a “right wing” conspiracy to have hackers use Bill’s website as a zombie to pass on info for the “attack,” in order to justify right-wing political actions later.

 

Frankie testifies that his company found indirect links that would interfere with Fema. Why Frankie?  Allison could probe this more at cross

 

ISPCorp (Bill’s ISP) is questioned.

 

Finally Erich has been allowed to fly by the TSA and is in the lunchroom at court.  Does John overhear this while eating?

(Research note: TSA rules on airline blacklists or no-fly lists have been changing rapidly due to political pressures from the public. Presumably, though, some people are not allowed to fly.)

 

Allison tells Omar that Izzy’s father was prosecuted for a similar auto accident in Egypt.

 

Erich demos buffer overflow in court, and admits his contact with Bill but not to planting the stegs. But he did find out that his two “pals” did. One of the boys worked in a computer shop where Bill had his computer repaired.  Show this earlier.

 

One of the jurors finds Erich on the Internet and contacts him. Erich gets the message (Palm?  Cell phone?)  while doing his chores.

Hook: Clark Kent does his chores

 

Bill and Allison watch a black-and-white movie of the 1961 William and Mary tribunals (from Sydney).

 

Erich emails Allison the identity of Bill’s old roommate, Sydney. (Did Erich get a clue from Tobey and the dinner stuff? Did Tobey know from all the head shot stuff? Or did the juror?)

 

Bill goes to a dance club and DC, and Tobey comes with Sheila and Lorraine. Bill’s old roommate Sydney comes.  There is an explosion and Tobey gives CPR. Afterwards, the immediate area is wiped out, it was a smaller e-bomb Fire Trucks have a hard time arriving.

 

Bill defends his DADT ideas in court.

He then talks about an earlier threat from one of the boys before 9-11.

 

John (the juror) hacks more to do “juror” research (of course it’s illegal) (p 120).

 

John the juror calls Erich in front of his (John’s) lover. (John finds out that Erich’s playmates did it.  P 121)

Hook: Is the adult “John” a better hacker than Erich? How does he find Erich’s accomplices? Maybe he has access to classified info and doesn’t say.

 

They deliberate and John manipulates the jury.

 

John matches the picture from Erich’s video (filesharing) with a database of employees from a computer store that Bill had used, and identifies an employee who had planted the steganographic clue on Bill’s computer, making it an “accomplice.”

 

 

The judge orders the website shut down and for Bill to stay away from computers.

 

Bill is paying his dues working for MacDonalds when Sydney walks in and the relive the rest of the story of the tribunals.  Talk about Trump

Connection to Frankie?

Hook: Can Bill really “Work”?

 

Bill volunteers to teach math and computers to a head-start program when the story about the volcanic mini-eruption (p 129) in Mono Lake comes across

 

Tobey and Sheila are now married (show). In the epilogue, Frankie interviews Bill for “the Academy” which will restore much of the country after the Volcano.

Hook: Wierdness. Is there a shave-down in the final scene?

 

Plot lines

 

This movie interleaves plotlines of five major and three minor characters.

 

BILL LDZEK, 60, just forced to retire from his career as a “geek” because of unenthusiastic competition and performance but a recent self-publisher of a controversial book, DADT, which he supports with a very visible website, slides into trouble “inadvertently” when he meets a precocious teen, ERICH, on a weekend trip. He gets arrested both for involvement with a minor and government suspicion that his website is used to transmit data to terrorists. This leads to the showdown at the courtroom trial.

Bill’s life generates a lot of flashbacks because he is older. The pivot is Frankie.

 

ERICH JZZET, 18, is a computer and film geek who is also surprisingly good at sports and (whatever his secret homosexuality) a leader in Eagle Scouts. But he enjoys toying with other people. After getting Bill’s book (show how) he snoops around to find people in Bill’s background and who might have been involved in a heckling attack. Two teenage “friends” (who look envious of his abilities) of his take up the temptation to contact the terrorists and pass on the info through Bill’s site. Erich is never blamed, but is somewhat transformed as he becomes suspectible to “slain in spirit” experiences and will drift away from his manipulative friendships (show).  (Note: Bill’s site would have had to be hacked once before meeting Erich at Bryant Lake; show him replacing it).

 

ALLISON KEARNS, 40, is a bisexual female attorney who strives to have it all. She is on a commission to rebuild the WTC in NYC, a law professor at Columbia, and she and her partner are trying to legally adopt a child who was brought over from Egypt. She had escaped from the WTC on 9-11 when her lover called from the Pentagon. (How if he was not immediately adopted?  He could have been orphaned when Omar hit his parents, Allison had made the Egypt trip and not been able to adopt him then, but he had come over with another parent anyway.)

 

SUSANNAH YORK, 41, is a lesbian Army intelligence officer and Allison’s partner. She calls Allison on 9-11 before the Pentagon is attacked, then is injured (burned in the legs) and recuperates. But the publicity over the adoption has led the Army to ask her to “retire” and give up her uniform but keep her same job. Erich’s father tells her about Bill’s involvement with his son, and she gradually begins to wonder if her relationship with Allison will last even as the adoption goes through.

 

TOBEY STRICKLAND, 27, is a law student and protégé of Allison (he does her mock courts) who still indecisively longs for a movie career, and has started with upscale commercials, but is hesitant to take the dive. At the end, he gets married (to Sheila below) although he still likes to hang around the “boys” (show)

 

Minor characters:

 

SHEILA DANIELS, 27, Tobey’s girl friend, starts out as a geek herself but slowly becomes more “human” and ethical with her relationship with Tobey. 

 

OMAR TANYI, 50, came from Egypt and was defended by Allison when he ran down parents of IZIM, 6, on a right turn. Then he makes the same mistake with Tobey. But he doesn’t know until late that Allison and Susannah want to adopt Izim.

 

FRANK L’ISTESSO, 45, knew Bill as a younger gay man but went ex-gay and started a right-wing personnel business that audits the workers of IT companies.

 

JOSH HARDER, 23, is the jury foreman but, as a “computer man” himself already has some knowledge of L’Istesso’s company. He starts tracking down and finds the contact who led to Bill’s explusion from college, an incident that had started his life story, and transmits it to Erich, after overhearing Erich explain to his father that Erich’s two chums did the real hacking after a dare, but the actual bombers were employees in Frankie’s company, that would benefit from a small terrorist attack. 

 

COREY, GRIFFIN (19 or so) “friends” or acquaintances of Erich who get “hired” behind the scenes to hack Bill’s site and use it to pass steganographic instructions, apparently they are hired by a right wing “corporate” group with an aggressive social control agenda to implement down the road.

 

 

Note – italics: add to screenplay

 

Break dance – shows what people really enforce

 P 9  -- law professor – not logical now – how would Erich know all this?

How does Tobey react to Frankie’s line of work? Explain its dual nature here

Do we need the Sheila and Tobey scene where she is coding to occur earlier?

Sldn – fix grammar, usage

What does Tobey do working for Allison? Show visually

Are you worth going to jail for?  “Mr. Burns!” – sandlot ball

Did Omar have two accidents?  Critical

Why does Bill pick Allison? Is it Erich and Tobey?

Was Allison on Bill’s website? Why not? Should Allison or even Susannah look first—maybe their kid finds it—and pass it along?

 Would Bill have intervened?  How many eldercare stays did he fail to intervene in?

Would a visit to a Sunrise apartment help?

Should Erich’s “friends” be introduced earlier?

Why is Bill responsible for e-bomb damage then?

Was the e-bomb a deliberate exercise for disaster? Why was it done? Suppose the two reported explosions are in Sparks Nev and Bishop CA, with very small explosions before in West Yellowstone MT or Wisdom MT  and on the CA side of Tahoe. Suppose Erich has seen one of the bombs on his scouting trip and found some of his own firmware used.

Does Erich have a “bigger brother” from LPMN?

How does Sheila tease Tobey?

Does Bill have any presence on net after shutdown?

Tobey’s audition – legs, have to shave, intro of Bill, shadow conv

Hard to use phone in rehab  -- needs cell

Allison must “ask: Erich what Bill did.

Erich “catalyzed” the attack by his friends when in Bill’s apt – why?

How Bill strategized his own life.

Check Erich’s age at the LP booth in flashback – note that Matt does this in the other sp 

Did Bill provoke confrontation over COPA?

 

Josh knows Syd also, and emails the movie to Erich. Tobey wouldn’t do this because he is a law student. Now as a super hacker, he is able to find Erich and his “chims” first. He worked as a cgi programmer and consultant for Hollywood. WB job site, etc.

 

House interview, add embrace of Bill, remove black woman

 

Wedding  Sheila Tobey outdoors     Lake Harriet

 

Omar talks about the fear of retribution back home, you think you were designed to be god. Allison had defended him once, and she will have to defend him again, but this time it is through goodwill from Tobey. He is already scheduled for community service but did not lose the right to drive. Then if you make a mistake you aren’t.part of Allah. 

 

Is Sheila in first scene? Why isn’t Bill?

 

What will Tobey’s final job be at the Academy? Would he be their model for their ads or public relations? Would he be trying to sell the service?  After all, actors could make good sales closers. Maybe his commercials were also aimed at sales.  (In the other film he gets a baseball role.)

 

Tobey could be in Roumania (or Egypt) helping sell adoptions when he meets Allison; it fails first time until Allison gets foster child. They have a conversation about which of them kids bond to. As a legally single parent, she doesn’t get the child.

 

Scenes that can come out:

 

McDonough

Bob Arnold

Second juror

 

 

Others:

 

Metaphen and mercury 71?

Add Mikkel on tennis court?

 

Dialogue

Bill can feel the part of the woman when seeing love scenes if the male is attractive

Bill believes any man can learn to enjoy “submission” to a superior man

Gave up music for second best career

 

 

Checklist

 

Hairy – too much

Buttons – too much

Smallville; Saloon, Cobalt, State, CNN, Nightline

Sprinkler system in bar scene

Cool, gig, awesome

 

 

Structured Plot Analysis

 

(Introduction “Belleville Rendez-Vous”)

 

Setup

   Allison turned down in Egypt

Opportunity

   Allison-Susannah get foster child Izzy and face social worker

   Eric playing ball and getting good but still refusing to be slain in spirit

   Tobey advising Bill how to dress for speech

   Tobey works for Allison

   Bill meeting Allison and Susannah near GZ

 

Change of Plans

   Bill laid off but learns of career audit

   Bill follows up by meeting Erich on trip and getting into hacking

   Susannah asked to leave military

   Sheila teases Tobey towards acting and Izzy bonds to Tobey

 

Point of no return

    Bill gets in cahoots with Erich and then his domain is shut down

    Tobey gets hit by car

    Bill gets arrested before e-bomb attacks announced publicly

    Bill enlists Allison and they share stories

 

    Erich experiences slay in spirit

 Final obstacles

    Erich on CAPPS list but arranges video conf

    Erich hacks to get off CAPPS but can’t defend Bill at trial.

     Juror John overhears, hacks himself to find Erich’s friends and this redeems Erich.

     Bill helps Allison and Susannah get custody for Izzy by being there so Bill is redeemed, but not publicly. 

Erich will film the volcano recovery

     Bill held liable but makes “public” amends by paying his dues

   

Possible additions

 

Make Allison question Tobey about his ambulance chasing ethics – Tobey did mock court for her at college. Tobey comes back with story about W-M.

 

Recount 9-11 from Allison – to Tobey, then to Bill—the burn recovery (of lover Sunnah) hard for Bill.  Tobey warns Allison not to tease Bill about tribunals.

 

Bill’s job as a substitute assistant – modest about body, in tandem with tribunals 

 

This is a work of fiction and a “work in progress.”

©Copyright 2002/2004/2005 by Bill Boushka.  Contact me link